Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
