I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
