Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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