it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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