too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
