Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
