I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
