When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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