You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
