omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
