you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
