I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
