someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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