We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
