its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were trust falling into bushes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
