When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
