Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
