I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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