You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He has the fingertips of a God
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
