my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
