well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
