I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
