I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
