Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
