you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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