He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
