Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize