i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
