I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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