Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
