i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You dont lie about slip and slides
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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