i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
