And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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