yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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