I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
