omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
