Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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