Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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