85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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