he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
