What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
