Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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