Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
