At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
