No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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