My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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