Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
