Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
