Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
