Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Your penis caused this!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
