There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My ass is underappreciated
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
