he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
