ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
