just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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