Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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