The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
