I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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