The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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