she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
