I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
