Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
