turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
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Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit