I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?