fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.