I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing