apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?