I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
