..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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