i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
