remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
tell me about the eggs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
