im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?