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• (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  $3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  does taste better than andre tho

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?

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• 

  Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."

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• (310): View more from California

  That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane

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  25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (585): View more from New York

  He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants

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• (509): View more from Washington

  If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die

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• (510): View more from California

  Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!

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• (210): View more from Texas

  She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.

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