there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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