plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
