I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going