That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
