hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion